A Rant: Travelers Who Really Piss Me Off

306 comments

I have to get a few things off my chest. I’ve been in Chiang Mai for a couple of months now and see tons of fellow tourists every day. And while the majority seem like pleasant, well-adjusted people, there are a few that are driving me absolutely insane. Here are a few of the worst types:

Mr. ‘Make Mine a Little Bit Spicy’
Rant: Travelers Who Really Piss Me OffI’ve seen this countless times, with the most recent instance involving a French tourist who was ordering a curry at a small Thai cafe. When asked if he wanted it spicy or not, he replied “yes, a little bit spicy”. It was, of course, too much for him and he spent the next ten minutes haranguing the poor waitress about how irresponsible she was to serve him such an outrageously hot meal.

‘A little bit’ is a completely useless phrase because there is absolutely no frame of reference — there is nothing to gauge against. Thais eat red hot coals for breakfast, so when the cook hears ‘a little bit spicy’ he thinks “Okay, I’ll use smaller coals”. If you can’t handle spicy food, don’t order it. Just lie when you go home and tell everyone about the amazingly spicy food you ate. No one will know.

The Backward Backpack Guy
There are times when it makes sense to wear your daypack backwards so that no one can open zippers or slice into it without you knowing. If you’re wading through a crowded train station full of pickpockets, it’s a smart move. But when you’re wandering through the sedate streets of a small town in Laos, wearing your pack on your chest sends a different message: “I’ve traveled thousands of miles to visit your country and learn about your culture, but I’ve already decided that you’re all thieving bastards”.

What are you carrying in there anyway? Gold bullion? Good luck meeting people with that attitude, touron.

Miss ‘Look at My Titties’
For the love of God, put some clothes on. The locals aren’t impressed by your ample cleavage or your tight shorts — they actually find it rude and disrespectful, so please save it for the beach. Just last week I saw a young woman in a Buddhist temple wearing a see-through mesh shirt with a lacy push-up bra underneath and shorts so tight that she was sporting not just a camel-toe but the whole hoof. The poor celibate monk across from her was working his prayer beads so fast it looked like he was twirling a lasso. They sounded like helicopter blades — if she’d bent over he would have left the ground.

And of course, this applies to men as well. Would you walk shirtless through downtown Manhattan? No? Then don’t do it in Bangkok, asshat. Don’t show me yours and I won’t show you mine.

Sex Tourists
Rant: Travelers Who Really Piss Me OffIf you’ve traveled to the developing world solely to hire prostitutes for the price of an Olive Garden dinner, please go stick your junk in a light socket right now. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

I’ve heard all of the arguments for such behavior: “It’s part of the culture”, “They need the money, so I’m helping out” and “Everyone does it”. These defenses are, of course, total bullshit.

You’re simply taking advantage of the fact that the hourly wage where you live is about ten times what it is here and in doing so, you’re exploiting a fellow human being in the most intimate way possible. I sincerely hope that your rash turns out to be more than ‘just a rash’.

Lithuanians
Okay, this one is going to take some explanation. I really don’t dislike Lithuanians — in fact, I’ve never met one — but I needed someone to pick on and poke fun at. I considered the French first, of course, but c’mon… a man needs a challenge. While researching the issue, I stumbled onto this entry in Wikipedia and knew that I had found my new comic foil:

“This small Baltic country was originally intended to be named “Lissuania” but the man who made the announcement had a severe speech impediment and no one realized it. Lithuanians are widely considered to be some of the rudest, most insensitive travelers and can be easily recognized while abroad due to the fact that they all wear smarmy little mustaches — even the women and children.”

Who am I to argue with Wikipedia? I mean, the greatest Lithuanian artist was named Mikalojus Konstantinas Čiurlionis — how weird is that?

When I presented this idea to my friends Shannon and Jodi, their reactions weren’t quite what I’d hoped for. Shannon hated the idea because her nephew is half-Lithuanian. My reply was something along the lines of “Yeah, but does he read my blog? I didn’t think so.”

Jodi protested for two reasons, the first being that it was rather mean-spirited and the second that it was just a stupid idea. I admit that I wavered in my convictions but the universe would soon prove me right.

The very next day, she stopped at her favorite local Thai restaurant to find a heated argument in progress. A Westerner was red-faced and screaming at a waitress, causing such a ruckus that the police had been called. When Jodi asked a server what was happening, he explained that the man and his family had eaten lunch –running up a whopping $6 tab– and he was demanding to pay by credit card. This was a small family-run, open-air cafe with plastic chairs and tables and they weren’t set up to take cards — only the largest tourist-oriented places have that capability.

As she went to leave, she asked where the irate man was from. The answer? “Lithuania”.

I rest my case.

{ 111 comments… read them below or add one }

jill- Jack and Jill Travel The World May 3, 2011 at 9:38 am

Love the Lithuania gem from Wikipedia… :)
The rudeness of visitors toward those that work in hospitality business amaze me sometimes. I think they take advantage of the friendliness of the people in Thailand and other SE Asian countries.

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wes May 3, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Thanks, Jill. Yeah, I’m constantly surprised by some people. Thankfully, those types are a minority.

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Joel May 3, 2011 at 9:44 am

Whew. I had to read just to make sure I didn’t fall into any of the categories.

Funny stuff, Wes.

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wes May 3, 2011 at 12:36 pm

You’re safe, mate!

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Amanda May 3, 2011 at 9:53 am

Hahaha… smarmy mustaches…

Great post, Wes. It definitely had me chuckling, and also nodding along in agreement. Isn’t it surprising sometimes how such ignorant people even figure out the passport application?

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wes May 3, 2011 at 12:37 pm

Agreed. I once saw an American in a museum complaining about the recorded audio tour. He was holding the recorder upside down. /facepalm

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Matt May 3, 2011 at 9:56 am

A too spicy meal in Thailand – $6 A day pack one can wear backwards – $30 Cracking a few ribs while reading this – Priceless. My sides are still hurting Wes.

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wes May 3, 2011 at 11:54 am

Ha! Thanks, brother. Please don’t send a bill…

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James Clark May 3, 2011 at 10:05 am

Oh man, love the photo! Was that in Chiang Mai as well?

I can’t believe unwashed hippies didn’t make the list.

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wes May 3, 2011 at 10:22 am

The photo was in –wait for it– Khao San Road in Bangkok. I was on my way to coffee and found this guy passed out in the bushes…

Filthy hippies will be in a followup, I’m sure, along with bongo players.

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Nomadic Chick May 3, 2011 at 10:24 am

And don’t forget those guys/gals who drag their guitar all the way around the world, because their art must be heard, and they ache inside if they can’t express themselves. Can we say cheeeese?

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Natalka May 3, 2011 at 12:35 pm

oh you are so right about the guitar thing – I just shake my head….

wes May 3, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Met a guy in a crowded bus in Laos who *insisted* that his guitar and backpack deserved a seat of their own….

Natalka May 3, 2011 at 12:38 pm

don’t forget the filthy “dreads” look

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wes May 3, 2011 at 12:55 pm

hey! I’m trying to eat here ;)

Laura May 3, 2011 at 10:13 am

Haha, while I have witnessed all of these people some point, I have yet to meet a Lithuanian. That last story is great!

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wes May 3, 2011 at 12:38 pm

I can’t *wait* to meet someone from Lithuania. I’m sure they’ll be friendly and wonderful and I’ll have to rewrite this post…

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Juno May 3, 2011 at 10:14 am

I don’t know where to start. first, I really enjoyed it. Some rants are just worth it. Of course, everyone has their own way to enjoy things, shouldn’t leave out ‘respect’ in any case. “For the love of God, put some clothes on.” Ding ding ding-
I don’t have any connection to Lithuanians, but once I do, I will let you know.

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wes May 3, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Thanks, Juno! Keep me posted ;)

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Wayfaring Wanderer May 3, 2011 at 10:15 am

I laughed out loud at the Miss ‘Look at My Titties’! I’m probably just sour because I’m flat chested, though :D haha

Funny post, thanks for the laugh!

WW

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wes May 3, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Glad you enjoyed it :)

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Daniel N. May 3, 2011 at 10:15 am

Yeah dude, seriously, where are the filthy hippies walking barefoot everywhere and taking huge dumps in restaurant toilets making the whole place stink?

Oh, and I sometimes wore my small backpack (not the big one) on my chest, but I seriously didn’t know that people do it for ‘security reasons’… I do it because my back hurts (backpack pulling back) and it’s easier to access to my money/papers when looking for a guesthouse.

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wes May 3, 2011 at 12:39 pm

I’ll catch the hippies on the next pass.

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Nomadic Chick May 3, 2011 at 10:16 am

“The price of an Olive Garden dinner.”

LOL. So disgusting, those men. I wholeheartedly agree.

You gave me a great chuckle on a shaky day! Cheers. :)

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wes May 3, 2011 at 12:39 pm

Hate ’em…. Thanks, Jeannie.

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Brendan van Son May 3, 2011 at 10:22 am

We had an experience with Lithuanians as well in Peru… not pleasant. I love the rant, and I HATE people who wear their backpacks on their chests… they might as well have signs on the packs saying valuable stuff in here.

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wes May 3, 2011 at 12:39 pm

It does kind of say ‘mug me’, doesn’t it?

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Natalka May 3, 2011 at 10:25 am

BRAVO!! Some people are so ignorant and disrespectful while traveling. When I was in Angkor Wat in Feb and climbing the temple one tourist was asked to remove his hat. He did so but only until he got to the top where he promptly put it back on.

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wes May 3, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Ha! I’ve seen that too. In Chiang Mai, they play the National Anthem at 6pm on Sundays and everything stops as people stand to pay their respects. An Englishman refused to stand for it and a fellow tourist slapped him on the back of the head and made him get up. Loved it!

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TheGourmetCoffeeGuy May 3, 2011 at 10:36 am

Your post is so right and so funny. You had us laughing so much, especially visualizing the poor celibate monk working his beads so fast it looked like he was twirling a lasso!
We have seen many of these attitudes, attires and scenes and agree with you 100% they are very ugly. One that made us mad years ago in a South American country was watching a couple of very tall and large Americans shouting ever so slowly in English to a small native woman who obviously spoke only Spanish…the Americans explained to people passing by that if you shouted loudly and spoke slowly, the natives would understand the language. It was insane. The woman literally ran away as quickly as she could simply saying “gringos, locos.” Sad representation of a culture in foreign countries. Thank you for your post and great examples.

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wes May 3, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Yeah, speaking louder doesn’t help. And adding an “o” to the end of every word doesn’t work either.

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Ryan | PauseTheMoment.com May 3, 2011 at 10:41 am

What a post! Too funny. I had to carefully read each line hoping I wasn’t going to be categorized as one of these types of travelers. LOL

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wes May 3, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Nah, you’re good ;)

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Waegook Tom May 3, 2011 at 10:43 am

Very funny post! Haha at the Lithuanians!

I used to work in a call centre in the UK, and one of my colleagues was Lithuanian. She would literally scream at the customers down the phone sometimes (although to be fair, some of them deserved it).

I don’t like to generalise a whole nation as rude…maybe “passionate” would be a better term?? Lol!

The sex tourists are just icky. One of my female friends unknowingly flew to the sex trade capital of the Philippines. She said the flight was full of less-than-attractive, balding middle-aged men with walrus necks wearing Hawaiian shirts all looking beyond shifty. Blearggggh. I need a shower just thinking about it.

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wes May 3, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Ugh! A plane full of sex-tourists…. Shoot me now.

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Acceleratedstall May 3, 2011 at 10:44 am

Johnny, you made me laugh out loud, truly. You have just put into print emotions, ideas, observations and even plots I’ve vocalized but don’t dare to write down. Kudos!

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wes May 3, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Yay! Glad you liked it :)

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Lisa @chickybus May 3, 2011 at 10:47 am

Love this post. It gave me the best laugh I’ve had in a while. Thank you! My favorite line is the one re: the celibate monk. ‘Asshat’ also made me laugh. On a more serious note, I’m glad you brought up the sex tourist thing. I find that really wrong/upsetting and I also hope that the rash is more than a rash.

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wes May 3, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Thanks, Lisa! Yeah, the sex tourism thing is weird. The worst is when you meet guys at a bar and they launch into detailed descriptions of their exploits. Horrifying…

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James May 3, 2011 at 10:49 am

Interesting post. I think I had a similar post done at some point.

Very surprised about Lithuanians, never met one, so I can’t comment (although I’m from a country not too far from there).

Though I agree that the French are too easy to pick on.

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wes May 4, 2011 at 10:26 am

I’m sure they’re great people. But someone has to take one for the team…

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Teresa May 3, 2011 at 11:03 am

Okay I saw the tweet about this and had to check it out so I know what not to do if I ever get a chance to travel outside the states (which so far has not come to pass for me but I’m ever hopeful).

I can say with great assurance I would request any dish to be “not not not hot… bland please… baby food bland please…” I’m a wimp when it comes to spicy food and no way would I eat hot Thai or spicy anything that I haven’t cooked myself. heh.

As for clothes – I have no interest in dressing to show off anything – including the cleavage or camel hoofs. ;-)

However, having some built in cleavage (covered) precludes me from carrying a pack of any kind on my chest… trust me on this.

I shall not touch the sex trade as a whole – too depressing for words and yes, the rash should be severe for those so engaging.

Last of all I’m not Lithuanian or even French – so I think that takes care of all these points. Whew. I might not be an obnoxious tourist after all.

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wes May 3, 2011 at 12:45 pm

I think you’re safe, Teresa ;)

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Dyanne@TravelnLass May 3, 2011 at 11:05 am

“…Go ahead. I’ll wait.” Kudos to you Wes, on telling it like it is (and cracking me up in the process!) Of course your assortment of annoying tourists could (sadly) likewise be found most anywhere on the globe, but I must admit… While I’ve been seriously considering heading to Chiang Mai myself for a spell, I’m beginning to think it might be a bit too overrun with tourists for my tastes.

(and yep, that pic is truly a gem!)

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wes May 3, 2011 at 12:47 pm

Don’t let this put you off Chiang Mai — it’s a lovely place. And everything I’ve mentioned is not at all exclusive to Thailand. It happens everywhere. If you come, avoid the area around Taipae Gate and the backpacker’s quarter and you’ll have a lovely time.

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Raymond May 3, 2011 at 11:05 am

Great article, I live in Bangkok and see these examples of yours way too often.
The other day I was at Robinson department store and there was a ‘tourist’ requesting the sales lady if they sold t-shirts but preferably not more then 50 baht. He wanted something similar as the one he was wearing already, pointing at his old worn shirt. In Europe there are people that dare to ask me how far I have to travel through the jungle before I arrive at my condo hahahaha… They have no idea what Asia is about nowadays and think it is still the same as in 1900 around here.
That is the reason I have created my site http://holidaytothailand.net I want to show what this beautiful country is really about.

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wes May 3, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Ha! When I first moved from Texas to San Francisco, I actually had someone ask me if I rode a horse to work. And they were serious.

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Jeremy B May 3, 2011 at 11:28 am

Fantastic post! I was laughing pretty hard on the women and their tight clothes one. Westerners who dress like that are selfish and have no respect for other people.

I was nodding my head vehemently about the sex tourism one. Wes, I’ve been able to hear about things that happen in Bangkok that most people just don’t know about. It disgusts me that people chalk it up as part of the culture when many of these women are exploited and hurting.

This post was really hilarious but the truth of this also resonates strongly. Thanks for sharing this!

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wes May 3, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Thanks, Jeremy!

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Sally May 3, 2011 at 11:45 am

I’m glad you mentioned the Miss “Look at My Titties” is an equal opportunity kind of thing. I’ve seen more man-tits than I have ever cared to see while in Southeast Asia.
I am sad you didn’t mention the filthy hippies, though. :(

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wes May 3, 2011 at 12:49 pm

Totally agree. Cultural insensitivity is not tied to gender, apparently.

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Kevin May 3, 2011 at 11:46 am

So bloody funny. I traveled once with two random Lithuanian women. They were nice enough and I wouldn’t say anything cross about them because they were twice my size. In fact, they could have been stunt doubles for Xena and Gabrielle. “Xena” even had the classic cut bangs of a Warrior Princess. And regarding improper dress, I’m always stunned by the Western women who are decked out in a way that not even the local prostitutes dare show in the Bangkok streets let along a RELIGIOUS place. And dude with shirt off right alongside. Seriously, WTF, Tarzan?

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wes May 3, 2011 at 12:50 pm

I LOL’d at the Tarzan comment. Thanks ;)

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Steph May 3, 2011 at 11:47 am

Thank you for calling out the sex tourists! I’m also tired of hearing those pathetic excuses for treating exploited human beings like a fun ride.

Sadly I think I could come up with a few more categories of travelers for this list…

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wes May 3, 2011 at 11:48 am

Thanks, Steph. I think a ‘Part 2″ post is definitely called for…

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Christy @ Ordinary Traveler May 3, 2011 at 12:16 pm

I watched a movie the other day called, “Brokedown Palace” about two girls in Thailand. I was really annoyed during the first half of the movie because both the girls were wearing short skirts and half shirts all over Thailand, even in Temples. Way to go, Hollywood.

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wes May 3, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Yeah, thanks for the help, right?

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Cailin May 3, 2011 at 12:18 pm

hahahaha awesome rant and how funny is it that Jodi when then come in contact with a Lithuanian.

I definitely agree with the titties out situation. A few years ago I was on the way to Morocco it was August and hot out but I knew to wear jeans, long sleeves and a scarf, as I was exiting the ferry from Spain I walked past 5 Australian girls in their tiny tank tops and short shorts and knew that not only would they instantly be though disrespectful but also were just asking to be constantly harassed. There’s a time and place ladies :) haha

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wes May 3, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Ugh!

Yeah, Jodi was almost embarrassed to relate the tale ;)

Thanks for the comment.

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Jodi May 3, 2011 at 2:15 pm

Uh, not so much Wes – I called you from the hotel to tell you about it as it happened because I was so excited :) Couldn’t believe they were Lithuanian myself!

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wes May 4, 2011 at 10:28 am

D’oh! I stand corrected, Jodi. Also, for the record, she may not have suggested that it was a stupid idea. I’d like to say it was artistic license on my part, but it’s moor likely due to a poor memory.

Angie Orth May 3, 2011 at 12:32 pm

Any post with “asshat” in the text gets a thumbs-up from me.

The sex tourists make me insane. Maybe they should get together with the cleavage gals and start a colony?

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wes May 3, 2011 at 12:56 pm

But, we don’t want them to breed, right?

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Parkthefrog May 3, 2011 at 12:34 pm

you’ve forgot one category! the i-know-it-all-i’m-better-than-tourist who instead of enjoying his holidays spends his time bitching about other tourists

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wes May 3, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Agreed. Also, the expat who’s lived somewhere for 5 years and can do nothing but complain about it and the people. “Ummm… maybe you should move?”

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footsteps May 3, 2011 at 12:41 pm

Great post & good points! But I’m going to sail against the wind here on one of them…

It’s no great revelation that sex happens on holidays, just pop over to Miami or Ibiza for a slice. Some people buy drinks/dance to get it, others are less contrived and simply pay up-front (yes, right there in USA & Europe would-you-believe-it). Heaven knows a large proportion of women in the West actually factor wealth into their partner-selection criteria.

But before outraged fingers start wagging defensively, perhaps a little world context might enhance this debate:

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/women-who-travel-for-sex-sun-sea-and-gigolos-407202.html
http://www.suite101.com/content/sex-tourism-in-kenya-a36400

Is it right? Probably not, and what is “right” anyway? Maybe Osama had some thoughts on that just before he died – whenever that was – assuming he actually lived ever. But I do know it’s a long and entertaining tradition to bash the only class that remains eligible for prejuduce. However it’s worth remembering that the gulf between your demographic and the red-blooded Western male may not be as large as you think.

Just saying. Safe travels! :)

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wes May 3, 2011 at 12:54 pm

Thanks for the comment. I have no problem with prostitution itself — I think we should all be able to do what we want with our bodies. But spend an evening in a red light district and I think you’ll find yourself loathing the attitudes of the average sex tourist pretty quickly.

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Catherine May 3, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Good stuff! I agree with all of the above, though I have to admit that when I was young and foolish I once sunbathed topless on Ko Pha Ngan. I still cringe when I think about it! It was an “everyone’s doing it” moment, but now I really feel ill when I see women in thongs and no tops walking around the beach like it ain’t no thang.

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wes May 3, 2011 at 12:51 pm

We all make similar mistakes. But you learned from it — some never do :)

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wes May 3, 2011 at 1:13 pm

P.S.

Where’s the beach with the topless women in thongs? Just for research purposes, of course…

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Raymond May 3, 2011 at 1:14 pm

That monk and the working the beads bit has got to be one of the funniest things I have ever read. You sir, are mining comedic gold! :)

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wes May 3, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Ha, thanks Raymond :)

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Marsha May 3, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Wow, dude. I’m still having a hard time just getting over the guy asleep in the bushes…that’s just special. Great post–I feel so bad for that poor monk!

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wes May 3, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Keep in mind that this was about 10am as well…

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Corinne May 3, 2011 at 2:29 pm

Thanks, a good laugh at the monk stuff. I hate these things too.
I hate those guys/girls that think that anybody approaching/flirting them with a different skin color is a prostitute or wants their money (yeah…).
I hate impatient tourists that want everything right away. I witnessed a tourist yelling at a 7/11 vendor for asking how long the microwaving was going to last. because she had an appointment in… 3 minutes!
Anyway… you still have to tell me where to get that cheap Beerlao :p I’ve only got 10 days to stay :'(

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wes May 3, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Oh yes! Beer Lao party! Let’s do it.

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Jen May 3, 2011 at 2:36 pm

I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve felt this way. Traveling the world is supposed to be an enriching experience, one in which you learn about people and places and culture. Kind of hard to do when “asshat” (f-ing hilarious, btw) or whore-face Lolita give YOU (and me) a bad name. Surely, these morons are representative of the entire tourist body. Thanks, a$$holes.

And don’t feel bad about Lithuanians. On our drive from Cameron Highlands to KL, princess and her douchy bf did nothing but bitch and moan the entire ride. No wait, besides that they also shouted their conversations as if they couldn’t hear. What’s even better is they had the balls to complain about how loud others were being in the van…really? Finally, and the thing that got me, was the ruckus princess made at the hostel because her room only had 1 outlet and no window. She couldn’t plug in her hair dryer (really?) and laptop at the same time. Princess and her douche were Lithuanian…

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wes May 3, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Thank you for the support. I feel much better now :)

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Audrey May 3, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Thanks for a good laugh this afternoon. I lived in Estonia for two years and all the Baltic countries like to pick on their neighbors, so I especially appreciated the jab at Lithuanians. The Estonians have some other things to say about them, but I won’t go there…

I have to say that the “little bit spicy” folks have kind of ruined it for the rest of our farangs who do like spice. When we were in some touristy areas in Koh Pha Ngan and Koh Samui, we almost had to sign a release form for the cooks add chili peppers to their dishes like they would cook for themselves. I understand not liking a lot of spice, but just say “no spice” at that point as it will inevitably come out with a little spice.

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wes May 3, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Oooh! Go “there”, please :)

Yeah, I have the same complaint re: spicy food. I order it spicy and they just kind of laugh at me. The the waiter gets irritated when I send him back for more chili :(

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Connie May 3, 2011 at 3:12 pm

Funny post, had my chuckling along with each new category. I too, have not had any experience with Lithuanians, though I’m going to be on the lookout now! =)

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wes May 3, 2011 at 3:32 pm

I’m pretty sure they’re Trouble…

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megan May 3, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Thanks for the laugh…it’s funny because it’s true!

Some of the outfits I saw girls wearing in Egypt last summer were insane…sure it’s 50 degrees celsius but come on – how on earth are short shorts and bikini tops appropriate attire for the Middle East?

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wes May 4, 2011 at 10:30 am

It’s amazing that so many people just don’t get it, huh?

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Dave May 3, 2011 at 6:42 pm

One of your best, mate, and that’s no mean feat.

It’s the sex tourism that annoys me the most out of any of it. Seriously, guys, WTF? Just because you’re fat and ugly and can’t get any back home doesn’t give you the right to exploit women in poorer countries. I had a rant along those lines at some disgusting old perv who was treating his ‘friend’ like shit when I was in Phnom Penh last year. Asshattius Maximus.

I’m thinking that sticking it in a light socket would be too quick and painless. How about a blender instead? Mango-and-pervert smoothie, anyone?

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wes May 4, 2011 at 10:31 am

Ouch. Remind me to stay on your good side, mate ;)

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Michael Hodson May 3, 2011 at 6:49 pm

Wes, I totally agree with your feeling on sex tourists. Going somewhere to pay for sex… no cool. Let me as you this though. What about going somewhere where THEY want to pay me for sex? That’s OK, right? Cause I’m thinking maybe Lithuania…..

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Audrey May 3, 2011 at 7:06 pm

If you can get that gig in Lithuania, you’d be doing pretty well. Lithuanian girls are pretty good looking. Dan’s best friend lived there for a decade for a reason :)

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wes May 4, 2011 at 10:31 am

You’re always working the angles, aren’t you? ;)

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Matti May 3, 2011 at 6:57 pm

Just wanted to let you know that this was one of the worst travel-related articles I have ever read. You come across as an elitist son of a bitch that thinks he’s better than other tourists when all you are is an asshole with an attitude. I’m not going to argue about your points, they all pretty much suck. Grow the f*k up.

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Michael Hodson May 3, 2011 at 7:15 pm

Wes. Hate mail!! You’ve made it dude. Congrats. Beers on me next time.

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Phil May 4, 2011 at 2:40 am

Haha. Not sure Matti has spent much time reading your site :)

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wes May 4, 2011 at 10:32 am

You can’t please everybody…

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Nomadic Samuel (Samuel Jeffery) May 20, 2011 at 11:49 pm

:) I couldn´t agree with you more. If you don´t want to piss anybody off go crawl into a cave. Your ability to write quirky travel stories is a breath of fresh air! I´ve been researching travel blogs because I´m soon to launch my own. It´s a bit cumbersome thumbing my way through articles of how wonderful my life is/was escaping the cubicle and other beaten to death subjects. These stories and rants make for an engaging read!

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Matti May 3, 2011 at 6:58 pm

I agree with you on the sex tourism part though.

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wes May 4, 2011 at 10:33 am

Thanks, Matti.

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stc May 3, 2011 at 8:59 pm

Hilarious, and very true, post. (Well I don’t have any experience with Lithuanians to argue your point, but there’s always a few bad seeds in the bunch – no matter where they are from.)

Part of the fun of traveling is not knowing what you are going to get when you order. Try the local foods, the way they are meant to be prepared, but find out what is best for your own palate.

Travelers should ALWAYS dress respectfully. I have seen people wearing clothes that they would wear to a nightclub or the beach in what are holy places to the locals. Come on! Cover up. Save it for later.

simplythreecents.com

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wes May 4, 2011 at 10:34 am

I’m with you on the food — that’s the fun stuff, not knowing :)

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Charles McCool May 3, 2011 at 9:46 pm

Great stuff–because it is true, of course. “whole hoof” is funny, in this sad context. Seems like people all over the world tolerate tourists. I am thinking of finding some Lithuanian travel blogs to read about their rants.

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wes May 4, 2011 at 10:34 am

Ooh! Send me a link of you find anything good :)

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ayngelina May 3, 2011 at 10:06 pm

This post made have made me laugh more than the infamous fart post – almost not sure.

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wes May 4, 2011 at 10:35 am

You know you’ve made it when you’re associated with the phrase “infamous fart post”.

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Nick Laborde May 3, 2011 at 10:29 pm

Never mess with people who handle your food… never forget that, no matter what part of the World you’re in.

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wes May 4, 2011 at 10:36 am

Words to live by!

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Robyn May 3, 2011 at 11:04 pm

poor lithuanians… lol

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Nomadic Matt May 3, 2011 at 11:57 pm

Great stuff. Hilarious really. I never understood the front facing backpack too. You just look like an idiot. And a douche.

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wes May 4, 2011 at 10:36 am

Amen, brother!

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Patricia GW May 4, 2011 at 12:12 am

Haha I consider myself warned against the Lithuanians. Great, funny post!

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wes May 4, 2011 at 10:37 am

Thanks and keep your eyes peeled ;)

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Elaine Thatcher May 4, 2011 at 12:13 am

Ha ha, the girl and the monk story is hilarious, reminds me of some students on a school trip I saw at a monastery who lifted their tops and flashed the monks.

It is so disrespectful to visit churches or monasteries dressed inappropriately – even if you are not religious yourself.

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wes May 4, 2011 at 10:37 am

Wow! It’s going to take them awhile to work off that karma.

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