While traveling in many parts of the world, you’ll run across many of these deceptive creatures. Yes, monkeys are cute. Yes, they look just like tiny, furry people. Just never turn your back on one — they can turn vicious in an instant.
I first learned of the monkey’s true nature while visiting the Elora Caves in India. I’d just arrived in Bombay a few days before and this was my first stop — it was also the first time I had seen monkeys roaming freely about the landscape. There were a least a dozen gray and black macaques milling about, grooming each other, and generally looking adorable. A woman was seated conveniently nearby, selling small bunches of over-priced bananas to tourists. I, of course, couldn’t resist and bought a bunch.
About this time, one of the larger males saw what was happening and slowly approached to within a few feet. I tore a banana loose in my left hand, leaned forward a bit, and held it out for him. I’d just almost finished saying “Here’s a banana for the cute little monkey” when the little bastard leapt straight in the air, screeching, baring his teeth, and spraying spittle in my face.
I was suddenly trapped in a scene from The Matrix where the monkey seemed to hover in the air while I was frozen in place, hypnotized by his flashing incisors. His hand snaked out in a blur, snatching the entire bunch from my other hand and off he ran, at full speed. This all happened in exactly the amount of time it takes to soil your pants. I quickly tossed the remaining banana after him and retreated to hide behind the banana vendor.
Later in the trip, while seated at a cafe overlooking the Ganges River in Varanasi, a similar macaque overturned my table and spilled hot food in my lap while stealing the salt shaker. Later that evening the same monkey stole my socks. I’m 99% sure it was the same monkey, though I have to admit that I never saw him actually wearing the socks.
A month later I was walking through a small market when a full-scale monkey war broke out on the roofs above. Monkeys were leaping from one side of the street to the other, bouncing off vendor carts, screeching, and raising hell.
While airborne, one of them managed to crap on me, depositing a moist green pellet on my shoulder. An Indian man passing by laughed and told me that this was actually a sign of good luck. I thanked him, but I really didn’t believe it — I think he was just trying to distract me from the fact that I’d just been crapped on by a monkey.
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
Ha! So true. I’ve been attacked by monkeys on three continents. Never make eye contact.
julie´s last blog ..A quick trip to disney
Nothing worse when a monkey stalks you. Maybe she was the reincarnation of your ex? Ooh, I just added another layer to your paranoia. Sorry. Anyhoo, I completely agree! I first encountered a monkey in Cambodia. It snarled at me and swiped at my leg.
Nomadic Chick´s last blog ..Gypsy Bits and Bytes
My uncle once got attacked by a monkey in (what was then) Zaire. He fended it off, then the monkey chased him all the way along the trail from the school where he was teaching to his home, where my aunt saw him burst out of the trees like a crazy man. I think that’s when they stopped thinking monkeys were cute.
Budgets are the New Black´s last blog ..How Much Do You Spend on Groceries?
ah, so nice to know I’m not the only one that monkeys like to torment. thank you all :)
Maybe they don’t respect you because you were raised by ‘possums . . . .
…An’ sometimes the locals don’t take too kindly to ya when taking a few macaque heads with a machete.
Self-defense, I say… and quick bbq fixins if ya ain’t partickular.
ha! cheeky monkeys…
Your Matrix moment made me laugh out loud! It is true, I just had a monkey experience the other day. I didn’t even realize there were monkeys on the path when I bought a sliced mango from the nice vendor. I didn’t make it 10 steps when the monkeys came out of nowhere. they suddenly turn vicious! Dave stood in between me and the monkeys while I scarfed down the mango. I guess I could have just given it to them, they are already corrupted by tourists feeding them, but I just couldn’t bring myself to perpetuate the problem:) Now, if the started attacking, I would have been throwing the mango at them and running!
Haha, it sounds like you were set up in a monkey ambush — sneaky little buggers!
Geez enough with the monkey bashing, and socks work as an amazing tail warmer on cold nights so that’s dismissible. As for being pooed on, well at least it wasn’t flung at you.
Cornelius Aesop´s last blog ..Loans Will Be the Debt of Me
Gah!! Is nowhere safe?!
I was once decorated by a pigeon in downtown Montreal. I was on my way to a meeting. Thankfully, my customer new me well, so we had a bit of a laugh. She too told me that it meant good luck. I never wore that outfit again!
Had my water bottle stolen by a monkey last month in Bali. He ripped it out of my hand and then when he discovered that it was just water he through the bottle away in disgust! :)
Monkeys are cute…from a distance.
Hahaha monkeys can really be a pain in the ***! the worst are the ones that are trained to mug tourists of their money..
Glad to know I’m not the only one that despises monkeys. After a few near attacks, I live in fear of them. Watch out for the ones in Emei Shan, they’re brutal!
Jodi´s last blog ..A final farewell
monkeys = evil
A bit of advice:
http://monkeydaynews.blogspot.com/2007/10/how-to-survive-monkey-attack.html
my monkey story:
A couple of years ago I was taking an early morning stroll in Moradabad India looking for a good chai vendor and, as usual, there were lots of monkeys rummaging around. I was not very awake (no chai yet) and not paying attention to things not related to chai when all of a sudden a little hand slipped into mine as I walked along. Somehow I managed NOT to shriek like a maniac. I stopped and looked down and there was a monkey standing there holding my hand. I said “hello” in the smallest and calmest voice I could muster – I was sure I would be bitten and maimed by the little fleabag. The monkey looked around kind of shy – almost embarrassed, let go, and sprinted for the nearest group of monkeys who were ignoring the whole scene. This cured me of my need for chai. I went back to the hotel and washed my hands for a very long time.
Wow, what a way to go: “The deputy mayor of New Delhi, India, fell off his balcony and died Sunday after being attacked by monkeys, his family members say.”
Beats getting hit by a bus, I guess…
Thanks for the link and the story!