I’m an idea man. No, really. I’ve been on the road for a couple of years and every now and then I come up with a good one. Here are a few thoughts and suggestions that might make the world just a tiny bit easier to deal with.
If you and I happen to cross paths on a remote jungle trail and you’re carrying a machete, please don’t run towards me with a big smile on your face. I know that you were just excited to point out that lovely bird in the tree and it’s very nice of you but now I have to change my pants.
Hey guys, Axe body spray is the patchouli of our time — just say no. That stuff doesn’t work anyways — I’ve guzzled gallons of it without getting laid once. I know the commercials suggest otherwise but they also claim I can maintain an erection while driving a race car and that’s never happened either.
If you’re going to charge me $20 or more to visit your park or archaeological site, I should at least get a free map. That’s twice what I’m paying for the hotel — having to kick down another $3 for a map is a bit much. Hell, even the black market kidney I just bought came with an owner’s manual and a warranty card.
Parks are a free fart zone. When out in nature, surrounded by trees and all of that fresh oxygen, a man has every right to proudly rip one, so quit looking at me like that. Instead, maybe you should teach your kid not to stand so close to strangers.
Antigua is a lovely place but I think your strict development regulations are strangling innovation. Yes, it’s nice that the town looks just like it did a hundred years ago but last time I was there tourism was way down. What you need is a Hooters-themed water park. Think about it.
I just saw a sign in Tikal that said “Templo 4″ and, directly underneath, “Temple 4″. I love bilingual signs, really I do, but if the only difference is a single letter, save the paint. I can probably sound that one out.