After only two full days of wandering about the city, I have learned a few things. And like most things worth knowing, they have come at some cost.
1. Remember those great sports sandals you bought this winter? The ones you wore around the house a few times and decided they must be well broken-in because they felt so comfortable? They weren’t. After a brief 8 hour stroll through the sweltering streets of Bangkok, you’ll come limping home on bloody stumps and will be wearing boots and socks for the next week. Bring moleskin and apply it at the first hint of a hotspot developing.
2. Remember how clever you felt when you carefully flattened and packed that half-finished roll of toilet paper? Well, it turns out that it does you absolutely no good if it’s left behind at the hotel room. The worst time to realize this is when you’re in the stall –after doing your business– and discover that the bar/restaurant does not furnish toilet paper of any kind. After frantically searching your day pack, the choice comes down to either your favorite bandana (one that’s been washed so many times you can read a paper through it) or a ski cap. The ski cap always loses. (And what the hell was it doing in your pack in the first place?)
3. How about your reasoning for failing to get in shape for travel, saying “I’ll drop the weight quickly once I get to moving around and being more active”? Well, this one may work out in the end, but it’s going to be oh-my-God-please-shoot-me painful. Carrying a 50+ pound backpack in hellishly hot weather, soaking your clothes with sweat, and fighting a heat rash of Biblical proportions will have you pining for that StairMaster back at the air-conditioned gym. Add in a pair of blistered feet and you’re in for a real adventure.
4. Shake-downs are pretty easy to spot. When a cop tells you that there is a 2,000 baht fine for your alleged misdeed and then explains that he can do you the favor of fining you only 500 baht if you pay now, that’s a shake-down. If you’re still not sure, tell him that 500 is too much — his response of “then how much you pay?” should answer any lingering questions.
5. You may as well quit smoking now, because you won’t be able to enjoy one here. It’s not that there is a lack of places to smoke — Thais light up just about anywhere, even on motorcycles. And smokes are certainly cheap enough, costing only a couple of dollars per pack at the local 7-11. The problem is the cigarette packs themselves.
My first pack of Marlboros featured a full-color close-up photo of someone with a huge hole in this throat and a nasty cherry-colored tumor hanging from his Adam’s apple. The second pack was no better, featuring a photo of a gray, gaunt man obviously dying of emphysema. I hate to admit it, but I was actually relieved to buy a pack that only had a photo of a man blowing smoke in the face of his newborn child. It really takes the fun out of it. And, yes, I know that’s the point. But I don’t have to like it.
Bonus lesson: Thais love drinking straws. Seriously. Buy a soda at a 7-11 and they throw in a straw. Buy two bottles of water and you’ll get two straws. Eyeing that fried chicken at a street stall? You’ll get a straw, just in case. Don’t bother trying to refuse it — you’ll just confuse them and hold up the line.
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Wonderful observations. You bring things to life in a unique and entertaining way, Wes. I’m glad you’re just getting started because I’m looking forward to a lot more stories.
Joel´s last blog ..Pyrennees Pressure
Thanks, man! I’m having a lot of fun so far, and there doesn’t seem to be any shortage of material to work with ;)
ha! yup, moleskin is a must. So is prickly heat powder, I am quite fond of Snake Brand Lavender, especially when that rash, is, ahem, in a tender area. Best pick up a tin at the local drugstore STAT.
and TP is for suckers, go bumgun/scoop all the way!
I picked up some powder — can’t really read the name, alas, but it’s some kind of menthol concoction. It’s the most excitement I’ve had in that area in ages…
As for the TP issue… Baby steps, Michael. Baby steps.
Wow, are you going to build a straw castle, jenga style? Bloody stumps and unwiped bum, you’re off to a great start!
Nomadic Chick´s last blog ..My Top 3 Travel Secrets
And it’s only getting better… or worse… I can’t really tell. As Theroux says, “Travel is glamorous only in retrospect.”
LOL My cracked ribs are hurting more now TY….
I knew you’d find a way to blame that on me ;)
Don’t start storing those straws in your pack lest we never figure out which one breaks your back (or something).
Ummm… Herb, we’re just gonna pretend that never happened, k?
The only time that I was served beer with a few chunks of ice in it and a straw to sip it was in Bangkok!
Ha! That sounds about right. I guess that’s why we travel, eh?
You sir, are a goldmine. I love sitting here reading about other folks learning the hard way.
ps. those “sport sandals” are the lamest things goin’ anyways.
Hilarious! Hope the wounds heal soon for your sake.
Keith´s last blog ..My Top 3 Travel Secrets
heh, thanks Keith. I spent a day wearing boots and I’m in much better shape now. hotter than blazes, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do…
Great stuff… I miss Bangkok loads and the bit about the cigarette packets really reminded me of there… You really do need to be serious about smoking to ignore those pictures…
Aaron´s last blog ..Full Width Pictorial: Bac Ha Market, North Vietnam.
Amen to that. the latest pack was the worst: a corpse with the chest cut open so you could see the gray lungs. Disgusting.
Yes, excuse me, do you have an amulet that protects me from not having toilet paper?
:)
they do, actually. it’s shaped like a big cork…
How did the shake down end? These are cliffhangers man.
I walked away clear. He thought he was going to bust me for littering since I’d been smoking in one of the 2 places you can’t smoke in Bangkok. But I always put the cigarette out and palm the butt until I find a trash can. After he calmed down and I got him to look at it, he said “Sorry, sorry. You good man.” Saved me a 500 baht bribe, or 2000 baht fine if he’d taken me to the station…
The cigarette butt littering scam is a favourite for the cops. Since most smokers in the west throw their butts on the ground without even thinking about it it’s common for the police to follow smokers to see what they will do.
Please remember that when discussing things with the police always keep a smile and try not to raise your voice. If you lose your temper or cause them to be embarrassed you can bet the situation will get worse for you very quickly.
Amen on keeping things friendly.